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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26329612">a place to be</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tkreyesevandiaz/pseuds/tkreyesevandiaz'>tkreyesevandiaz</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Caring Eddie Diaz, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Dorks in Love, Established Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Established Relationship, Fluff without Plot, Height Differences, Hugs, M/M, Soft Eddie Diaz, Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley, Stairwells, light mention of anxiety</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 13:02:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,618</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26329612</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tkreyesevandiaz/pseuds/tkreyesevandiaz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There had been days where he’d just wanted nothing more to drop all the fronts he put on each morning, and let himself <em>be</em>.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>259</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a place to be</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hehe hello again!!</p><p>This was requested by @teambuddie-118 on Tumblr and it's a combined prompt! I hope you like it!! I wrote half of it in bed the day you sent me the prompt and half of it today xD Edit: @tylerhunklin on Tumblr also requested 12 xD</p><p>Thank you CJ for helping me work out height differences, I love you more than anything. </p><p>  <strong>12. sneaking away to a hidden corner to share a secretive kiss + 20. kissing in a stairwell, giving them an artificial height difference</strong></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Nobody could say Buck </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>resourceful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn't like it was a new thing; Buck had always been looking for places where he could allow himself to relax. In the first few months he’d started working at the 118, he’d constantly scouted out quiet corners and rooms where he could take a minute to himself. Where he could take just a minute to let himself feel what he needed to, to let the stillness wash him away from the pumping adrenaline that seemed to keep him on edge at all times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes, he’d get lucky with the bunk rooms, but that wasn't not often. There were always people in there, and even with the privacy curtains on a few of the beds ensuring that no one could see him, there hadn’t been the silence he was looking for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For all the brash, reckless guy he’d been at 26, even he’d needed time away from everyone. He’d needed a quiet place where he could still hear the alarm, but not be seen by anyone. There had been days where he’d just wanted nothing more to drop all the fronts he put on each morning, and let himself <em>be</em>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, the hunt began.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>First was a small space near the wall where they hung the hoses, outside. It was almost like an invisible closet of sorts, where you couldn’t see it unless you were at the right angle, which was pretty far away from the back door of the firehouse. Couple that with how dark it was in there, Buck practically melted into the shadows with the dark uniform. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only issue with it was that the crumbling plaster and dust left scuff marks on his clothes that wouldn’t come off unless Buck washed the uniform or dabbed at it with a wet washcloth. By the time he got to the locker room, everyone would know that he’d been out there, which was the complete opposite of what he’d wanted to do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So began the hunt for </span>
  <em>
    <span>another </span>
  </em>
  <span>space. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He found a decommissioned closet next, stacked with old records, newspapers and other things that were growing cobwebs. There, he could sit on the floor and take a moment to himself, to think about things. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But by far, the best hiding place he’d found was the small stairwell he was leading Eddie through right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’d you even find this place?” Eddie whispered as they snuck out back to where the mini stairwell was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Needed a place to escape,” he replied, tugging Eddie through the door and dragging him up a couple of steps. The stairwell was an old one that not many people knew was there. It connected the closet upstairs with the one downstairs, and was pretty old and unused, but there was a place to sit without the hum of the firehouse resonating around him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d never brought his boyfriend with him to any of the spots he usually escaped to, because Eddie preferred to lose himself in the gym when the thoughts got too much for him to handle. Either that, or in the showers. But Buck needed a spot where no one could see him be this vulnerable, and while Eddie was the </span>
  <em>
    <span>person</span>
  </em>
  <span> he allowed himself to be that open with, this was his space.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>their </span>
  </em>
  <span>space now, he supposed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Today was different because they’d been out on a call, and Eddie had very nearly slipped and broken his bones by plummeting three stories. Buck could still feel the panic thrumming through his skin, the free fall of his stomach plummeting right where he thought Eddie had been going, his anxiety shutting down almost all of his functions except the ones needed to get Eddie back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All he’d done was lunge for him, and pull him well away from the crumbling floor, and they’d laughed it off as they checked the remaining rooms but Buck had heard the fear and panic in his own voice — which meant that Eddie probably didn't miss it either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was terrifying, how quickly Eddie had come to mean so much to him, even before they’d started dating. It made him anxious how quickly things could go wrong for both of them, just through their jobs. And it was scary to have given Eddie so much of himself, and even scarier to have so much of Eddie in return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Buck wouldn't change any of it for the world, and that wasn't just out of his love for being a firefighter; it was his love for Eddie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie made him feel like he mattered, kept him grounded and lifted him up. </span>
  <span>He was the best partner Buck had ever had and that was without the additional bonus package of having Christopher in his life. H</span>
  <span>e didn’t know what he’d do if he lost him — either of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck maneuvered Eddie up on the step above him, hands lingering on his hips as he stared at the silver name-tag with 'Diaz' written on it. His boyfriend stood silently in front of him, one hand coming up to brush his fingers along Buck's forearm tattoo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, Buck wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s waist, tucking his head into his neck. He could feel Eddie shake with quiet laughter, even as his arms came around him to hold him tight, one palm cradling the back of his head to press him closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, the constriction in Buck’s chest loosened. Eddie was here, in his arms, and he was okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stood there in companionable silence for a while, a bit more of the tension draining from Buck’s shoulders as the steady pulse of Eddie’s heart beat against his skin. He still smelled like soot and sweat, but underneath it was the scent that was distinctly Eddie, clean and comforting. He relaxed further as Eddie's thumb dug into the back of his neck, fingers tugging lightly at the short strands there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, that’s why you said you wanted a kiss?” Eddie asked a few minutes later, amusement and affection clear in his tone. Buck reluctantly moved out of the safe cradle he’d found to give him a sheepish look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t think you’d follow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His boyfriend’s expression softened at that, arms coming up to loop around his neck. “I’d go anywhere with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck grinned, even as a lump formed in his throat. “Who ever said you weren’t a romantic?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie chuckled, dipping his head down to kiss him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was strange being on this side of the equation. Not many people were taller than him, and if they were kissing from a height, it was usually because Buck had lifted them up. His and Eddie’s height difference might’ve only been 2 inches, but like this, Buck was at least three inches </span>
  <em>
    <span>shorter</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Obviously, he was well-aware they were cheating with Eddie standing on a step above, but he needed this right now. He needed to be surrounded by Eddie, needed to know his boyfriend was here. He needed to secure the knowledge that he was safe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Buck would never, ever complain about the opportunity to be wrapped up in Eddie’s arms. It was just the way they were; even in sleep, he was wrapped up in Eddie more often than not. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m okay, Buck,” Eddie said quietly as they pulled away, Buck resting his head against his cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You almost weren’t,” he whispered, eyes slipping shut. Eddie’s arms tightened around him, warmth spreading across Buck’s temple as he exhaled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know...being a job like this one, having a family, having people to go back home to...part of it means we can’t get lost in the ‘almost’ or ‘could have,’” he started gently. “Is it terrifying? Yeah, it really is — more than anything else I've ever imagined. Watching you run into a building, even when I’m right there with you, I feel that same terror every single day. And I know that both of us have this thing where we hold each other closer after each heavy call. The only thing is...I don’t want us to get caught up in those hypotheticals, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Buck replied, knowing this spiel right off the top of his head. It’d been one of the first things they'd discussed when they started dating, because with Chris in the mix, they couldn’t take any chances. They needed to have at least some sort of plan, no matter how painful it was to think about. “Because if we do, we’ll never be able to let each other do our jobs.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew Eddie wasn’t trying to dissuade him from reaching out in comfort, because just last week, they’d had this exact same conversation, just reversed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just this is enough,” he said, tilting his head to look Eddie in the eye. “You’re enough for me, just like this. I don’t need any reassurance outside of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t the most romantic way he could’ve said it, but the look on Eddie’s face had Buck feeling like he’d just written a whole love poem with no capital letters and minimal drawings on the page.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you,” Eddie whispered, leaning forward to press a kiss to his forehead. Buck sighed and tightened his grip around his boyfriend’s waist, smiling into the easy affection.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Someone would probably start looking for them, but right now, he had Eddie with him. Nothing else mattered, especially when his boyfriend started trailing small kisses down his face, ending at his mouth with a searing kiss that left no doubt that they were here, and safe. Buck smiled into the kiss, gripping Eddie's waist tightly as the last remnants of fear faded from his blood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie was Buck’s place to be.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>(no anam you can't comment on what i'm about to say)</p><p>ENDINGS ARE THE FREAKING WORST.</p><p>Anyway, the list is on my tumblr if anyone else wants to request them! I'm still working through a few of them, but yeah! Feel free!</p><p>Kudos and Comments make my day, so thank you to everyone who leaves them! I love hearing what you guys think, and anyone who takes time out of their day to comment has my heart and soul &lt;3</p><p>You can find me on Tumblr at <a href="https://www.tumblr.com/blog/zeethebooknerd">zeethebooknerd</a> or on Twitter at <a href="https://twitter.com/tkreyesevandiaz">tkreyesevandiaz</a>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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